The Value of Communicators or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Internet, Part One

This is Matt.

Matt works for the Government of Alberta. He's a seasoned employee under the guidance of Jason Kenney, and served him previously on his election campaign in the United Conservative Party's leadership race.

These days Matt likes the internet. From our Legislature itself to conceivable nooks and crannies of federal buildings he engages directly or presumably through others as the Executive Director of "Issues Management." I know, dreadful. It sounds like the kind of stuff you think you need a Patronus (referencing!) for.

But he's paid pretty well. Last I checked this man was raking in a cool bag of beans around $190,000 a year on the public dime. But what does Supreme Commander Matt really do?

Well, he directs information. For us. Through multiple online platforms he sends and reflects information. It makes sense, any time you're dealing with the public or with media you need to be aware of the importance of how those words are expressed and how well they are received.

However, what the man sends into the public sphere or spins in his particular slant typically fails to inform the public for the sake of clarity. If anything, it seems to be intended to obfuscate.

Matt doesn't seem too keen on criticality of the United Clusterfuck Plethora and responds to dampen it. Scrolling back at this moment this Great Informer has spent his evening on such crucial topics as Erin O'toole's speech, the "woke" left, and daydreaming about Harper getting vaccines from the US instead of China (what?).

Well, if we are to presume that the United Cabalist Platoon has ill-intentions regarding it's administrative duties then is it also safe to assume that this particular flavour of Muppet has ill-intentions? You know what, let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

Right there, there it is.

Now, do YOU remember Jeff Callaway? Because Pepperidge Farms remembers.

Jeff Callaway was a man with a job. His job was to politically bite Brian Jean around the ankles and hold on real tight, alligator-style. Brian Jean dragged the mass of Jeff Callaway through the United Clown Posse leadership race but not fast enough to beat Jason Kenney.

"But Albert! Didn't it turn out that Jason Kenney's campaign paid Jeff Callaway's through small-donations en masse?" Why YES as a matter of fact they did, hypothetical and strangely well-informed audience member! So while we are on the subject of giving Matt Wolf the benefit of the doubt, we might want to stop and appreciate the fact that he was feeding them information and is under investigation by the RCMP.

So wait, what do we pay this guy to do again?

This is Brock.

Brock's the Executive Director of Communications and Planning for the Premier of Alberta. Presumably he's paid well, to the tune of $200,000 and above.

Nice. That's got some weight to it. It sounds even nicer than Director of Communications for Andrew Scheer. Brock ended up very fired after that unfortunate stint.

Now, I don't want to blame a bad start here. Don't get me wrong. I've fucked up a job or two in my life and I'm sure you have too, asshole. But I'd expect a discount on those services, wouldn't you?

Anyways, let's ALSO give Brock the benefit of the doubt. To the internet!

Here's a classic example of effective communications strategy. The Brock has effectively obfuscated (great word) the issue at hand (the opposition's concerns over rapid-fire opening strategies) and replaced it with a digital bag of rotting bananas.

One can be sure the audience (us) will have interpreted the data as intended and carried on with our blissful lives, oblivious and content.

Ah, beautiful.

Here we have something that only the combination of public money, a terrified Premier, and points of order can accomplish: a living meme.

Somehow, Brock has managed to exist as a digital condom between the public's seething outrage and a cowed premier with an exposed belly.

Yeah there's probably a better metaphor for that.

Brock also doesn't enjoy criticism. In fact, he seems to occasionally take it very personally (I would too, considering the entire context. It must be very stressful!). Here we have a deep dive through a journalists' history after a particularly unpleasant few hours.

But that is a rare treat, as direct communications with The Brock are rare (though he does have his preferences) In fact, give #blockedbybrock a check on Twitter and you'll see a legion of...enthusiastically critical Albertans that he has elected to ignore. My only conversation with him has been a face-to-face on the Legislature grounds. It was a hot day. I was rude. I'm not blocked anymore.


I don't know about you, but I sure am getting pretty confused over the cost/benefit analysis of the United Crotch Pump's P.R. wing. If I was so concerned with spending, why spend so much money trying to find new and interesting ways of making people hate you?

Isn't that Jason Kenney's problem?

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